Untitled

Blood stained hands
And a belief system
Centered around self-adoration and praise
“Give thanks to me and I’ll set you free”
That’s how you get them

Manipulating your followers
Into supporting your twisted vices
Molesting the youth
With your power
While dangling God from your tongue
The main one’s to look out for are those like you

Seducing congregation’s thought-lives
With your rituals
Fondling with their earnings
Only to satisfy the protection of your secrets

For your private demonstrations
Are nothing but means “to get off”
You ask them…
“show me how you did it…”
“show me how you do it…”
And all is forgiven
All the while fondling innocence
Behind smoke & mirrors
And scented incense
Your tracks are camouflaged
And your lies are sealed…

Even if anyone was to come forth
I wonder how many would see 

The light again…

Bleeding Heart

I heard what your lips were saying 

But your eyes spoke louder

Screaming eyes 

Shouting at the top of their lungs

Forcing me to see

Beyond the words

The samples 

The stories

It was your eyes that told the truth 

The pain within was deeper than mere flesh

For these stabs 

Had dug so deep that your heart was bleeding

Spilling out of your eyes like rain drops

I'm listening 

I can hear you 

Never have you been this vulnerable 

Letting me in and undressing your love

Removing guards only for a moment 

I could see you

The person hiding behind the love for others

The care of tending to others needs 

I saw your bleeding heart exposed 

How ignorant I must have been 

To not see all of this before 

But how was I supposed to know

Never did you let me this close

And as soon as I took notice 

The walls were rebuilt

Thicker than street pavement 

Placed behind barbed wire

And a crooked smile...

If only you'd lend me your eyes again 

And we could work on your smile again 

Not the one on your face 

But the one in your heart 

Reassemble the broken pieces 

And restore you from the ruins...

If only...

If only...

I could see you again 

V

She was just another girl 

Another notch in your belt 

Another name to scratch off your list 

She came harder than you expected 

She was just as you'd imagined 

An empty shell being followed by storm clouds 

You took her last drop of self 

And left her lifeless as she wept 

Fell to her knees in solace 

Asking God "how did I get here" 

Became a slave to your touch

Even your call resounded and vibrated her bones

You only brought her out to play

When one wasn't enough

Now she's lost

What's she going to do now?

If it wasn't for you she'd have everything she always wanted?

But how does she get back?

Where did she go? 

(To be continued) 

All I Want

Caution

Take caution 

Reach for me

Yearn for me

Take me

I'm yours 

I'm yours

Give me 

Take caution 

I want you 

I love you 

Are you ready 

Take caution

Fuck me 

slow

Ride me

Go low

I love you

Go slow

Take caution

Precaution

I want this

I want you

Love me...

Wait!

....That's all I want

Just love me

Give Her Something... Something Like November

Don't be afraid to get you a drop

Get you a taste

Alter your day 

With just an essence

A little bit can take you places you never imagined 

Let the flavor linger on your tongue

Exhaust your mind with every tastebud it arouses

Inhale that aroma that you love so much 

Give thanks to the Most High for such a creation...

Don't leave without giving it a tickle... 

You might just find...

She can't go the day without giving a little something to you, so that you can think of her all day 

SHE (pt 1)

SHE keeps me...

Elevated, motivated

SHE teaches me...

Patience, endurance, power

SHE catches me....

Falling & shields me from the ground

Afloat I stay 

Because she stands in the way 

SHEs the original 

The only 

The one you never saw coming

Timely 

Essential 

SHEs undeniably the ONE 

And I can't resist

Because without us...

We don't exist...

SHEs moved entire mountains 

And I've crossed oceans

And even in the midst of torrential rains...

Life without her, is merely existing 

Not living... 

To Be An Artist Means...

To be an artist means...

That maybe you dance to a different tune 

You see experiences as muses

You live life through your own creations 

You transpose your thoughts into things that move & change others

To be an artist 

May cause you to retreat 

Ignore the outside world 

Live in the love you have or the lack there of and create there

To be an artist makes...

You a different breed

Super human

You're able to tap into brain cells others dare not ever reach 

People spend entire lifetimes 

Trying to understand you

But never will...

They can't understand 

What they can not be

They'll fear you

Envy you 

Admire you 

Hate you

Love you 

And lust you all the same

While wishing they were you

You, artist... 

You are a different breed

Be proud to have a gift or gifts

That cause you to stand out 

You were not intended to fit in

Don't try to, you never will

Stand out. Stand tall & create...

For without you, minds like yours...

The world would be dull and uniform 

A bunch of carbon copied individuals with no thoughts of their own

Be the artist you are until your last breath

Create the legacy you'll leave behind

Fright

It's frightening
How someone could make you feel
Empty with just a few words
A blank stare
A cold response
And there goes your energy
Seeping out from limbs
Onto the floor
Escaping you like blood
Just because your heart was invested
Hanging on to every word
In hopes of progress
When all you receive is
One step forward
And three steps backward
Continuously feeling knocked down
Unloved
Hoping that one day
They'll seek to understand you
Find you crying alone
And wipe your tears
Mend their wrong doings
Speak to you
Instead of over you
It's frightening at the idea
That what does not kill you
Can emotionally destroy you
If no one ever tries to fix you
We are under false pretenses
That love is unneeded
That we need to rely on no one
Because permanent isolation drives us insane
Causes us to self destruct
We need one another
But it's frightening
Love makes us do crazy things
But it would be crazy of us to think
Without love, that we can just "be"
We attempt at fooling ourselves
Try to substitute "like" for love
Try to turn sex into "making love"
And yet still
Our hands are empty
And we envy those
Who have found their niche
Found love that won't forsake
Love that stands by them & will die by their side
We envy and yet we want just that
And yet it's frightening
That I could
Fall to pieces when you hurt me
It scares me that I feel this way
Something I could once hide
It's bad that I'm attempting now
To cover the bruises, discard of the pain
And forth the illusion
That everyone else believes
Forgive me if I fall weak
But I'm only human
And I can admit to being frightened that I could love so deeply
That I hang on to every word
Made fragile by the idea
Even the words that are regretted,
I hang on...
They hit me that deep


This is not quite a poem and not quite not a poem, if that makes any sense. I just needed to release something that I'd once written one way and came back to the idea and wrote another way.

Inspired by life & 2 songs (Hanging On Too Long by Duffy & Tonight by Lykke Li)

Rats, Bottom Feeders

I just want you to dance for me
Take off your clothes
Let down your hair
And put on those shoes
The heels I bought over there
Show me what my hundreds were worth
Let me use you like you used me
Play with your head a little
And make you beg
Be the bastard you claim me to be
Make you beg for sex
And never get any because I don't want you
I just want to make you suffer
Forgive me if I'm wrong
Understand it's not you right now and it is me
I claim that, call me a bitch
And put on that lipstick
Go insane to the beat
And dance like you want something...
Earn the money you got out of me
Frivolous expenditures on a whore
I'm sorry, you prefer "lady of the evening"
Dance for me and let me be the asshole you intended
I'll tell you lies just to make you smile
Hope you realize I don't hate you
But what you deserve is a wake up call
And I have a song ready for you
So when you're ready
Come to me
I'll throw pennies on the floor
Give you a dollar for the bus
Yeah, I have you covered
Leave the shit I bought
Over there, right fucking there
Pick your face up off of the floor
And walk away...
I'm done now.
Thank you for your time. :)

Dancing, On the Line

I remember our first time
How good it felt to be in your arms
You were in the wrong place
But I just had to know
One last time if you were really here for me
You said all of the right things
Touched my body like you already knew what it took to give it to me
I just wanted all of you
Promises you made, as if you'd planned on keeping
You even fixed your lips to say "love"
And infatuated I became
I didn't believe you
I never believe anyone
I tried to be what you wanted
How you wanted
Moved like you wanted
And still it wasn't enough to keep you
I've constantly found myself
In this position
Dancing on a line between the truth and a lie
Hoping I'd find a true love
Or at least the truth
Yet still I'm dancing
Hoping to find what's real
Now that everything has fallen to pieces
I want to see what manifests from the shattered glass
There is no resolve
And I am in the process of "to be continued"...

The Madness

A room of silence
Nothing but a sheet to keep warm
Cradling one another
Trying to make good out of something so wrong
How long can this go on
Help isn't far away
Your pride keeps your lips frozen
Everyone has disowned you
But her
She stayed by you
But how could you
How could you do this to her
You're so wounded that you can not see
Have you forgotten that you live within her
She is your home?
Once you betrayed her trust
Even you
Became lost in your own eyes
Staring back at a shell of yourself
Lost in sleepless nights & drenched in shame
Hiding scars & trying to laugh to hide your pain
Dying inside
Scraping out old wounds to draw attention away from fresh bruises
You mutilated yourself with one wrong move
And a plethora of misused words
Lies to cover lies
Throwing back spirits to hide your dismay
Laughing on cue as if you had everyone fooled
Yet it showed
Your secrets were transparent
Dangling on you like a tail
You're trying to hide something you've attached to your spine
The monster you created
Was riding you like the fool you are

Without Warning

Quick! Save yourself
Somebody should've yelled out a warning
Trouble ahead
And I knew not
How to confront the storm
Thousands spent to appease one
Succumbing to overnight depression
Riding on waves of highs & lows of bruised egos, broken hearts, lies, empty rooms and displacement
Somebody should have said
Wake up now
This dream will shatter before it flourishes
Like a broken mirror
This vision is a facade
Search deeper
Within yourself
Look around
The truth was evident, if only there was a warning
Errors detouring to the right
Buckle your seatbelt
And carry on
Forget what you knew
You know nothing now
Someone should have came running with a stop sign
Paused the conversation
And asked for the proper registration
Maybe in lieu of getting a ticket
The road traveled would have
Altered itself

Step Out

You are not who you claim to be
You're afraid if they see you
They won't love you
Uncertain & worried about everything
Even your bones grow weary
Of your heavy mind
Overcome with so much hurt
When will you release what's holding you captive?
You want to unleash what's happened
What has you this way
But you think there eyes will change
Their adornment will fade
Once you step onto the platform
Don't be afraid
Undress yourself & remove the intangible bags you carry
The ones that keep your shoulders feeling so heavy
Weighed down by the stress of your worst enemy
Face yourself

Air • Earth • Air

3
No one knew the dynamic
The strength of our elements
The power behind our voices
Talents combined
The perfect trinity

The only group that handled every storm together
With you I felt at peace
Every movement understood
The questioning of my being never came up in conversation

Acceptance was our language
Daily did we speak through rhyme
I can recall our many meals lost
All the while reciting what we felt inside
Singing, laughing and leaning on one another
We'd created a family, that we were sure to survive anything

Every tear we shed, was together
Bonded together
I never thought our tightly woven thread would unwind
When it did
It came suddenly

We broke without warning
Turned against each other
And what we'd built was put to shame
I still remember our favorite songs
Our last talks
Our sessions...
Moments when she'd play & I'd sing
Moments when every poem of yours I could feel

Your words
Dancing in my head & landing on my skin
I loved us...
The nature of us
I remember us...
Do you?

Kanti's Goodbye Letter • For You

I release you now
Back into the wild you go
With all of the animals you've come to know
And the spirits you've enchanted
I've discarded your collar
And no longer must you grovel
Your freedom is your own
You are not wanted
Turn away from me
And return no more
I left you because you were no good for my soul
Don't call out for me
I will not respond
I have changed my name
So that I can not be reached
You don't know me
And you're unfamiliar to me
Let this be the closure you needed to be free
I leave you now
In the midst of Spring
Return no more to me
Sincerely yours,
Kanti

Bábá

Some things have inspired a retelling of stories, I don't know if I'd claim this to be a poem, no rhyme or rhythm just emotion. We'll claim it to be storytelling for the moment.

It is almost like yesterday
I was laughing with you
We never speak these days
You refused to grow with me
Intertwined your wicked ways with hate
And now I don't even know you

Even when I look back at pictures of you
I thought I'd always have you
You may have been a figment of my imagination
But I believed in you
She even saw you for you
But what should have been enough
Never was
No one can blame me, for not believing love is true
With the impact of someone like you

You're the bull that fed lies repeatedly
You aren't even aware of the damage you have done
Your new life has you too consumed To see the damage done

Now that I'm older
I have to let you go
Your resounding words of me never succeeding
Your disbelief in my talents
In my own best interest
I'll remember and speak of you
Now
As if you never did the damage you did
Keep that image of you, singing lullabies & teaching me how to be creative

The Promise (circa 2008)

You don't have to ask
You can have...
Take...
What you please
As long as you desire me for me...
I'll be an open book for you and only you
Yes I'm making an effort to act brand new
Embrace me baby
The loving in need is long over due...
I'm willing to change and grow with you
As long as you understand to love me takes time...
Be patient with me and we can learn how to please one another effectively in ways that no skeleton can emulate
I'll keep it interesting...introduce new things that we can share with one another

The Artist

((An incomplete mental process))

I check your lyrics
And even listen to your songs
Making sure I'm last on your mind
When your pen meets pad
I know how your mind works
Just one opportune moment
And I'm all yours
Swallowed in your colorful metaphors
Dangling in your presence, like a reward for you to receive

I'm waiting for that one track
The one you regurgitate for me
Throw away the pride
And lett your tongue seduce my mind with your rhyme
Attempting to pull on my heart strings
Toy with fiction & truth
Until the lines are blurred

I'm waiting on you to play me
Like I've played you
Turned you upside down in poetry
Dusted over your name
Rewrote your story for you to remain unknown
Even between these lines your vanity won't find the truth

Being that you're an artist
It doesn't matter what I describe you to be
The manipulator of abstract things
To create something tangible or usable is still your gift

Even as I write
I picture you
Slidding your tongue across your teeth
Fixing your teeth to ask
"Is this one about me?"
But you won't
Because you know

I'm just waiting on you...
That one track
In which you
Open your mouth
And let your tongue fondle my name
Create space for music to seep in
That song will be on infinite replay...

Better Forgotten, Than Held Onto

Better forgotten than held onto
That's how I feel
That's how they've coped
Discarding me like old shoes
Removing my name from playlists
Altering poems and a few edits "let's change this"
The I miss you's change to I wish you's
And they end on the note of
Me never being what they intended or expected
The expectancy of me was just a placeholder for the life altering love
That experience that changes their lives & leaves them blown forever

And I'm just downgraded to
The in between
That glimmer of hope to get one by
That need to be reminded of what it could feel like to be loved
But without true devotion

Better forgotten than held onto
Burned away like old poems you want to forget
Ripped into pieces like 4 page letters you can't read without fighting tears
That one thing, person, at least
That you don't want to remember
But hard to forget

Every now and again
You scroll upon that picture
Or that incessant song
That makes you think of me
And you want to erase the memories
Almost to pretend as if I didn't exist
Because I was just your "in between"
That temporary fix
That person that suits the idea of "this will do, until I find you..."

"I'm in love and always will be" (unfinished)

I won't say that this is a poem, but a message. I can't sleep and this has been swirling around in my head. It's like a conversation that has never been spoken or partaken of by me. Tell me, what is this?:


I believe in love
I believe in like
I believe in butterflies
I'm conflicted inside because these are the things I believe is real
I've chosen to change my life
But others...
Others have lives of their own
How do you save someone from themselves if they are happy, in love, healthy & successful?
How do you save someone who, by definition, doesn't need to be saved?
Exactly why are there so many guidelines to obtaining happiness?
People can't BE, because others are watching, judging and plotting against...
People can't just BE, because they feel condemned...
I don't know how to not be happy for others
I don't know how to be happy for those who have found what completes them and they aren't just content but happy
Who am I to steal their joy?
I believe in love
I believe in like
I believe in butterflies
I don't know anyone anymore who tears up at that pivotal scene in the movie
That scene in which the ending is clear, after the turmoil, happiness lives freely
I feel like I'm the last one
The last person that believes
That far beyond the rules and mandates
That love itself, is true
You'll know it when it arrives & never ceases to part
I believe in love
I believe in like
I believe in butterflies
I hope to see the day when our blinders are removed
We can all love one another, not for what we are trying to be
But for who and what we are...