Bábá Deux

I forgive you
A thousand times I forgive you
Never will you ask but I bow out
Harbor no more anger towards you
Hurt caused by you
Will no longer haunt me
I forgive you
I usher in peace
I pray you serenity, stability & wellness
I don't need you
I need me
To have me
I must let your mistakes go
I forgive you
A thousand times I forgive you
Never will you ask but I bow out
I can not change you
So I must change me
Receive healing & let you be
Bábá you missed out
You could have known me
I forgive you
But I no longer need or want you
I pray you good health & long life
Bábá I forgive you...
So that I might forgive me
It started with you
But it will end with me
I forgive you...

Without Warning

Quick! Save yourself
Somebody should've yelled out a warning
Trouble ahead
And I knew not
How to confront the storm
Thousands spent to appease one
Succumbing to overnight depression
Riding on waves of highs & lows of bruised egos, broken hearts, lies, empty rooms and displacement
Somebody should have said
Wake up now
This dream will shatter before it flourishes
Like a broken mirror
This vision is a facade
Search deeper
Within yourself
Look around
The truth was evident, if only there was a warning
Errors detouring to the right
Buckle your seatbelt
And carry on
Forget what you knew
You know nothing now
Someone should have came running with a stop sign
Paused the conversation
And asked for the proper registration
Maybe in lieu of getting a ticket
The road traveled would have
Altered itself

Step Out

You are not who you claim to be
You're afraid if they see you
They won't love you
Uncertain & worried about everything
Even your bones grow weary
Of your heavy mind
Overcome with so much hurt
When will you release what's holding you captive?
You want to unleash what's happened
What has you this way
But you think there eyes will change
Their adornment will fade
Once you step onto the platform
Don't be afraid
Undress yourself & remove the intangible bags you carry
The ones that keep your shoulders feeling so heavy
Weighed down by the stress of your worst enemy
Face yourself

Air • Earth • Air

3
No one knew the dynamic
The strength of our elements
The power behind our voices
Talents combined
The perfect trinity

The only group that handled every storm together
With you I felt at peace
Every movement understood
The questioning of my being never came up in conversation

Acceptance was our language
Daily did we speak through rhyme
I can recall our many meals lost
All the while reciting what we felt inside
Singing, laughing and leaning on one another
We'd created a family, that we were sure to survive anything

Every tear we shed, was together
Bonded together
I never thought our tightly woven thread would unwind
When it did
It came suddenly

We broke without warning
Turned against each other
And what we'd built was put to shame
I still remember our favorite songs
Our last talks
Our sessions...
Moments when she'd play & I'd sing
Moments when every poem of yours I could feel

Your words
Dancing in my head & landing on my skin
I loved us...
The nature of us
I remember us...
Do you?

Kanti's Goodbye Letter • For You

I release you now
Back into the wild you go
With all of the animals you've come to know
And the spirits you've enchanted
I've discarded your collar
And no longer must you grovel
Your freedom is your own
You are not wanted
Turn away from me
And return no more
I left you because you were no good for my soul
Don't call out for me
I will not respond
I have changed my name
So that I can not be reached
You don't know me
And you're unfamiliar to me
Let this be the closure you needed to be free
I leave you now
In the midst of Spring
Return no more to me
Sincerely yours,
Kanti

Phoenix

From the ashes my old ways will die
And as I rise anew
So shall the newness of me transpire Renewed & refreshed
A butterfly from her cocoon
Caterpillar no more
Searching for food
To sustain my being
I am coming into
The promise I made
To love me & alter what I deem flawed
Sculpting my very essence
Bettering me
So that I might be my best
With every step that I take
Breath that I breathe
Phenomenally reaching
Tapping into my inner self
Unleashing the core
And loving...
Loving...
Loving, me

Some words...

Awake
With only
My heartbeat to entertain me
I toy with ideas
Bombarding my mind
Losing time
Waiting for something
I don't know what
I'm just waiting
Words exploding & dancing in my thoughts
I'm longing to be
Back at peace

Bábá

Some things have inspired a retelling of stories, I don't know if I'd claim this to be a poem, no rhyme or rhythm just emotion. We'll claim it to be storytelling for the moment.

It is almost like yesterday
I was laughing with you
We never speak these days
You refused to grow with me
Intertwined your wicked ways with hate
And now I don't even know you

Even when I look back at pictures of you
I thought I'd always have you
You may have been a figment of my imagination
But I believed in you
She even saw you for you
But what should have been enough
Never was
No one can blame me, for not believing love is true
With the impact of someone like you

You're the bull that fed lies repeatedly
You aren't even aware of the damage you have done
Your new life has you too consumed To see the damage done

Now that I'm older
I have to let you go
Your resounding words of me never succeeding
Your disbelief in my talents
In my own best interest
I'll remember and speak of you
Now
As if you never did the damage you did
Keep that image of you, singing lullabies & teaching me how to be creative

The Awakening (incomplete)

Your beats...the box that vibrates as you speak
Reminds me of...
Crumpled sheets leaving imprints onto skin
Soft gusts of warm air brushing against fine hairs...
Leaving chills...
Killing the loss of feeling btwn thighs
An awakening touch of repetitive motion
An over-time of thrusts searching for perfection as two worlds combine...
Your beats...the box that vibrates as you speak
Reminds me of...
Drenched skin
A type of humidity too hard to breathe...
That sometimes needs to be released momentarily during that time of ease...
Kisses that seem to have endless power over mind, body and soul...

[Incomplete - Work In Progress]

Coy (old stuff)

Everyone wants to jump on your "dick"
And I'm supposed to feel priveledged because I've had the opportunity?
I have been here before
Your "popularity"
And will be here after "reality" settles in
When your "dick" is just like everyone elses to your groupies
Because they'll never see in you
What I have seen for so long
They'll never care for you
Like I have...
All they see is an instrument of momentary enjoyment
Once the fun becomes repetitive, the speed slows down
The cum runs thin...and she's harder to please
She'll throw you away without a second thought
And I'll help dust you off
For the next campaign of "the greatness that I am"
Just for you to sweep me back underneath your rug when another fun "ride" catches your eye...
Just for you to shoot me with your words attempting to create non-existent boundaries to shield your heart from the inevitable...

Success '09

Our lowest moments are amplified
And highlighted
Our moments of achievements they do nothing
But find reasons as to why they are undeserving
The pressure to succeed is a consistent battle
Freedom has yet to ring
The shackles may have been physically removed
But the chains on our brains are still here...

Why must we be lowered?
And degraded?
To receive the highest acceptance of achievement

Tempest

I search within myself
For an explanation
How could this happen?
I had plans

I let one distraction
Alter my dreams
You came in
Disguised like all the others

Dressed in red
My rose colored glasses saw green
I took one step
And before I knew it
I'd stepped into darkness

Sipped down spirits
Trying to disappear from my discomfort
Lost my balance
And I fell

The room grew still
Darkness hovered over me
I stayed in a clouded state
It was then when your horns appeared
I couldn't speak

My voice muted and I saw you
Laughing
Crying inside while I felt
my body break

It wasn't until
I submerged in water
The cloud left me
The daze raised
And I felt the pain
That I realized that I was broken
Not only on my body
But my spirit

I wept alone
Forever have I been scarred
Never to fully heal
I'll always be reminded
Of that night I let you in

Immaturity (a simple mind)

Lusting
Loving
Acting
Reacting
I want you
I hate you
I love you
Don't stop
I need you
Call out for me
Remind me
What happened?
I thought you...
You knew me
I knew you
We had this
We had us
I want you
I need you
Stop lying
Tell me why
I called you
Called out for you
You never came
I cried for you
Said I'd die for you
You walked away
Ran fast
Disappeared on me
Now you want in
I'm seeing it now
Your side
This was me
Doing this to you
And I lost it
I lost it
I lost it
Then
I lost you

Self, Where are you?

I wish that I could
Knock on the corridors of my own mind
Travel backwards & stand in front of my former self
Self, why are you here?
Jaded in every way imaginable
You knew you, before they did
Before you slipped and let them in
Before you gave away pieces of you
Traces that you can't get back
Moments that you should have never known
You lost you, when you questioned you
You got lost when you, for a second believed that you were unworthy
I want to stand in front of you
And say "you are worthy"
Remind you that what seems "too good to be true" is for you, own it before it disowns you
I wish you knew who you could become
Only if, you knew you before you let the wrong ones come, give them pleasure
Feed their egos
Let them use you for whatever you did best, in their eyes
And when they were done
Each time, you became less of you
Uncertain of your worth, character & talent
You, lost you... Don't lose you, you have you...
Instead I can't speak to you
That you, that is me
That demonstrated self mutilation of an emotional kind
It's me who failed me
I can't blame skeletons for their mistakes
I didn't have to let them in
I can't speak to the former me
But the present me, the you, that is me
I see you again... Unused & rare
I see you
I found me, buried in ruins if a broken soul, laughing to hide tears...
I missed you
I missed ME

Gray Matter

Hanging on to your touch
By the strands you have me
Adorning your scent
Listening as the sound
Your sound
Bounces off walls & releases me
I can't wait to bury you in my arms
Close my eyes & fall in...
Lost in your shades of gray