Awaken

I can’t wait to wake up
To hear from you
Your voice sets my soul on fire
I’m turned on by  just your salutations
You court me elegantly…
I don’t have to question your whereabouts
You inform me
I don’t need a drug to be buzzed by the essence that is you
Your aggressiveness is a flame I can’t fathom living without
You inspire me to be stronger than I am
I’m moved by the passion in your voice
The way you say “baby…”
Everything in your voice sounds like love…
I can write when I’m with you, you gave me back my voice
I’m not sure where I lost her but she’s back, here to stay…
Your lack of asking me for anything but love makes me want to give you the entire world…
Your desires are mine for you…
I can live in the sea of our words & I delight in every question we hold
Not a moment passes
When I don’t smile at the thought of it being you on the other end 
You’re a story
I want to continue to tell
Continue to write as years pass
I love you
I’m fortunate to be blessed with something so pure

The Kill

I should have stopped when I felt myself losing my mind
I just couldn’t let go
You were the poison I clung to
I don’t blame you…
I blame myself & you were my lowest low
I had to save myself
I was drowning in my own tears
Tried to make sense of your fickle ways
Nothing was ever consistent
Every move was questionable
Even the look in your eyes sent me wondering…
Where could your heart be?
I clung to you telling myself
I was saving you
You were taking me lower
Everyone could see it but me
I kept fighting to survive
I wanted more for us
I labored for our love
Our love was supposed to set us free
Keep us afloat
You took all that you could take
And I couldn’t help but keep giving
I knew no other default
You were mine, that’s all I knew…
I thought I was saving you…while you were killing me

Drugs & Your Habit

The drugfree & the druggie
Match made in heaven
Or
A match made when the devil birthed destruction
We have a 50/50 chance of rising to the top
Which path can/will we choose
Will I sink with you?
Or will you thread water to the top and save yourself?
You can’t see past trivial matters
And rarely see the bigger picture
Is it drugs that keep you there
Are your excuses keeping you from seeing it all?

Watching Me, I Felt It

My bedroom is tainted, with the stench of you
No matter how many times I clean it or how long I leave my window open…
I can smell you
Imprinted in my room like a parasite
All over my walls, watching me…

[Untilted - Something from 2010]

I can’t think with you in my thoughts
Actively guiding my pen to rid self from an obsession
This is only an intricately laced interest and yet it feels close to “like”
Like “like-like”, what we as kids used to say when we’d grown an affection for one another that hadn’t yet reached love
Too soon to anticipate a future
And yet ahead of myself my mind is reaching and etching you in to the saga that we will live with one another
Yes… I’ve grown quite an affection

Polaroids & Prints

I used to tell you that your eyes were beautiful
It was never about the color or hue
Or the way it is offset by the sun
But it’s texture
They say more about you than your mouth or pen to pad would ever reveal
They communicate secrets every-time you blink, stare and look down
I know you never understood
Never imagined what I could have meant
And yet still even in your photographs
Your eyes are a wonder

My Hero

Sunrise in my sight
I realize that this is what loving you feels like
You came just in time…
I said I wanted to be your hero but you are mine.
You rescued me…
Although I’m still damaged
I thank you for having patience with me
I love all of you...

Misery? [Something Fairly Old]

Misery loves company
I was yours for the taking
Drink me up…
Come and get more
You know I would never tell you to stop unless I’d had too much
I fell for the addict, the junkie in disguise of an actor
You had many faces
When you weren’t careful
You let me see them all
You were careless with your excuses
The consistent absentee of questioning
The hot topic of the scene
I lied for you
I covered your tracks every-time I smelled someone coming for you
How did you pay me back?
You sucked me dry because misery loves company…
You took all of me… So that I’d call on you

Everything Matters...

Up late listening to you sleep
Connecting all the dots we can through the distance
Kissing computer screens & digitally romancing one another with our keyboards
The familiarity with one another makes us stronger
The love intensifies & is daily measured… Higher and higher is the bar raised
No one compares to you

1/19/12

Thinking in depth about how your body must feel…
How high your moans will send me floating…
Imagining your skin all over mine…
Me breathing you in and you losing control…
Your chest on mine and how great it will feel to have your nails clawing into my back as I taste every inch of you…
Swim in your sea & make you rise with me…
I can’t wait for the day when we unite harmoniously at the ultimate level…
I can not wait, but I will wait.
You are worth every ounce of my being that is patient and understanding.
For you… Waiting… Is my pleasure.

Forever (A few words...)

I see forever in your eyes 
And I dance
At the likes, that just maybe…
You see hope in mine, within me

I'm Here

Even your faintest cry, I can hear
Its hard to see my lover in tears
Almost seemingly inaccessible
Although you’re next to me…
I can feel your heart beat
But…
Emotionally you are so broken
That you’re disconnected
Attempting to be present but you’re vacant…
Regardless of where you go mentally…
I am HERE, emotionally
I’ll be your rock when nothing else can hold you up…
Remind you of your worth
And help you to believe again, in whatever everything that is attempting at breaking you…
I’m here

Near

I feel you calling me back in
And all I want is to be near you
Your laughter sets my soul on fire
And your touch gives me chills

Musings

I read old poems about you
And yet I wonder what I saw in you
The lies that clouded your eyes?
Or was it that your poetry made you appealing?
Words can alter one’s view of another
Maybe that was what I felt for you…
The way your words could travel across paper
And leave its imprints on my heart
But after your poetry was inflamed…
The love I had for you faded just as quickly as it came
Then I think again…
Maybe it wasn’t love I had for you but an infatuation
A common situation that happens artists and their muses…
You inspired work… but it wasn’t you that it was written for
You were just a model, standing in for real love…
Until, she walked into my life

[Quite possibly not a poem at all but just a few ideas thrown around. I’m not sure but it was something on my mind, so I decided to get it out. Maybe I’ll work it into a proper poem, something that is memorable]

Is It True?

Is it true what they say?
You can only truly fall in love once?
Is it true that I’ve only seen love once?
What I’ve known of and for you…
Can not be compared to anything else I’ve felt
Does that make you the one?
I can’t see my life without you, although I have…
I know not that path anymore…
Is that when one realizes that everyone else they’ve encountered they were never in love with?
The more I see you, feel you, taste you, wrap myself up in you…
I lose sight of what once was…
What I once felt for all of the others and how I ever felt anything for them?
Is it true that there is only one love of your life?
If so… I’ve found all of that in you
I’m never letting go

...

There’s a piece of me that longs to know what you see when you look at me
Not the outer appearance solely
But what I make you think when I glance back at you
There’s a longing desire to know what this beauty is that you say you see
Is it something I do, say or react to?
Is it the way that I smile back at you or kiss you?
I wonder if its really something that you see or something that you feel
Is the beauty that you see something that is intangible that I can never
lose because its wrapped within love?
I dare not ask you
In all honesty… I don’t believe you’d have a definitive answer
Instead in your own way… I know you’d find a way, but would it be true?
Can a few words truly express how you feel and what you see?
Is it that simple?
What I feel for you I could never summarize
No paragraph harvests that much depth to properly define all that is you…
I just wonder what you see when you look at me…

Wonder

I wonder how it will be
Years from now
When we have to part for longer than a few hours
To pursue our careers while supporting one another
How it will be to go a few days without waking up to you
When I’ve grown comfortable to the idea of waking up to you
Daily you are my reason to roll over…
To see whats on the other side…
I wonder how missing you will play its role
When I already miss you after an hour of us being away from one another

From January

Up late listening to you sleep
Connecting all the dots we can through the distance
Kissing computer screens & digitally romancing one another with our keyboards
The familiarity with one another makes us stronger
The love intensifies & is daily measured… Higher and higher is the bar raised
No one compares to you

From December

They say you can’t miss what you’ve never had
And yet I can’t sleep without you
Yet we’ve never slept in bed together
I think of you constantly…
I lay on the opposite side of the bed waiting for you to come home…
Yet we’ve never lived together
I’m in the midst of missing you to an extent I’ve never felt
Even with the faux romances
I never wanted them around like I want you
I never needed to hear their voices for comfort
The way I need you
Many women sing about wanting to be wanted and needing to be needed but wanting to be needed

…And baby… I want you
…I need you.

Bleeding Youth (To Be Continued...)

I cut to erase what you see
With every slash I remove myself from me
Invisible to myself I paint a mask to cover what’s left
In solitude I’ve cried myself to sleep
Just reaching and searching…
For a better form of self

Over You, Under You (Part 1 - Just barely...)

I can’t get over you
When I’m under you
When you’re straddling and your pelvis clinched
Holding on for dear life…
Clawing skin just to usher along the release
Your moan bounces off of the walls and surrounds us
All the motivation I need to give you more of what you’re craving for…
I think to myself, “say my name”
And almost as if we’re one… You speak it
You remind me of who I am, and that you’re mine
Just the sound of those words alone
Give me life…
Every coo… I ease in deeper to feel all of you

...love?

Right now I don’t know how I was loving without your touch
Couldn’t have been because I’ve never felt such a rush
Like the kind I feel with you…
For you…
You feed my appetite & quench my senses
Smiling is a natural reflex
Whenever your voice reaches my eardrums

When Was The Last Time...

When was the last time I moved you?
The last time I touched your heart & made you feel me?
The last time I tasted you and you melted in my mouth?
The last time I cried out for you… Just to come closer?
When was the last time I fell asleep in your arms?
The last time you danced between my fingers with my hands between your thighs?
I wonder…
If you think about these times
If you look at me and say “wow, she’s all mine”
And yet I ask… When was the last time you said I love you without it following a request or pleasure?

The Fear

If I can’t help put you back together again
I fear who can
I fear that I’ll lose you in them
I fear that what we have, could be lost in that one second…


Wait!


I fear?


And I woke up from dreaming
Analyzing my thoughts…
Realizing that how can I love you in fear?
How can I be with you fearing that I’d lose you, if I make one wrong move?
Say one wrong thing?


How can I love you like this?
Then I took a look at myself…
I’ve been loving you wrong
Secretly indulging in the idea of losing a battle that isn’t even in session…
How can I lose you if I never took a real risk to have you?


I want you
To have you, fearlessly…
I want you…
I love you…fearlessly…


I can’t dream of a love lost
When I haven’t accepted that I’ve already won

Stuck On Repeat

Stuck on repeat
Can’t hear myself think
Trying to drown out the sound…
The sound of you leaving me alone…
I have to camouflage my feelings to keep from crying…
I just want to get back where we were
I’m not sure where it went wrong or when we took a wrong turn
I can’t undo anything but why can’t my apology penetrate the bottom of your heart
Put the pieces back together again
Maybe you don’t really want it but can’t leave…
Maybe you love me but you feel like it’s too little too late…
I didn’t see this coming…
Now I don’t know what to do…
Can’t take these tracks off of repeat
They are the only thing keeping me
From crying myself to sleep

Fighting Words

Mean the words you say
Say the words you mean
In and out of conversations
As we skate around our truths
Backed into corners we find ourselves
Fighting with the strongest weapon known to man
Not our hands but our words
The mightiest swords
Our words…
We taunt one another and it goes back and forth
We linger on each others words until we’re drenched in tears…
My fears succumb me and swallow me whole as I’m in the corner trying to redeem my soul…
Playing with fire and getting singed by the flame
Round for round we go
Until the knock out
But who wins, when we both feel broken inside?
We both tap out simultaneously
And make wishes on the perfect alignment of time that words said could be unsaid
Even after the fight is over
Words on top of words replay in our minds
We try to bury it without effort
And everytime the blows become much harder and the aftershock much greater…
Until we realize we are fighting ourselves away from each other
Creating a distance that doesn’t belong
We look at ourselves
And for the first time…
What we’d been fighting over wasn’t worth the fight at all
So we come together

Our Youth

Some days I miss our youth
Those moments when we wrote letters
Sung one another our favorite songs
And danced like no one was watching
The days when we were young and seemingly carefree
Our worries then, are mere dreams of what we wish we were still worried about
I miss our youth but our present is something to awe at
You’ve opened my eyes to progression
The picture is underneath a better magnifying glass & I can see us…
I’m glad we are here but I do miss those years